Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So squirting runs in the family.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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