Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
