You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
