I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
