garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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