Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
