A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
