you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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