if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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