My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
