i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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