Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drake has all the answers
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
