break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
