Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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