my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
