Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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