I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We left the knife in your bed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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