Screwed.edu
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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