If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
