i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
