you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
