i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
