Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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