i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
