I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
