id be glad to
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
