Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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