i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
