I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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