I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize