Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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