Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
