Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
