if i can run in heels then i can drive
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
