i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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