she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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