see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
