After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
