I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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