I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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