I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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