Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
