I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
