I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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