He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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