i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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