While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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