D3 body, D1 cock
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize