I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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