either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
