I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
