U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
