Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
