I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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