he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
