as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
only you would photoshop your dick
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
