Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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