Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
