areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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