I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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