Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
