just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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