never play flip cup with pint glasses
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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