"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
