do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
