If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
