OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
