my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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