and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
