I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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