I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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