You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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