I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
