the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
