Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
