They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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