There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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