Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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