don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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