I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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