Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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