How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize