is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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