apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
