is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
